Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
