He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
