dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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