Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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