so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
