I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
