Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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