He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
