In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
