I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i need some magic done to my vagina
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
