We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
