After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
