I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
