I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
