:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize