This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
