Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
