i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you remember whose house we're in?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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