I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
