I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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