Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
