Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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