i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
