Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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