Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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