apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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