You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
