Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
