insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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