no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
