like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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