My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
