chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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