I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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