it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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