I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
