He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
