are you still at the devil's house?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize