Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
