Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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