She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
