my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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