Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
