I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
