At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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