I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
