life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
These tits shall not be calmed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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