I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize