Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
