OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to make out with him forever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
