dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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