She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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