Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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