She's JV to your varsity
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
