I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize