Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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