some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
