Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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