I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
