The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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