Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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