i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
