plz talk dirty to me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize