You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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