When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
