the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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