Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
