i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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