I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
