see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
