I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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