hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
