The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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