i don't like sucking hair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
