we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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