I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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