the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
