Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
