gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize