I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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