my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
