In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
