if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So vagazzling was a success
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize