I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
