good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
