OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
