**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
