and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
