i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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