Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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