Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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