If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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