using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
