You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
