if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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