I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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