we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
