i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
