You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
