My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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