I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize