i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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