I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
