i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
