Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
