i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
