Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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