YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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