I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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