If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
