...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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