i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
