i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
