what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
