hotel room ftw
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
