my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I AM VODKA MAN
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
