hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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