even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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